“Suburbia is too close to the country to have anything real to do and too close to the city to admit you have nothing real to do. It’s purpose is to make it so you can identify with everything. We obviously grew up identifying with nothing.”—Sloane Crosley
forget wedding videography. starting a new trend of divorce videography. some clients need proof of their soon-to-be ex-significant other’s morally digressive ways. our videos would simply make their shitty lives into a serious courtroom drama, complete with fancy dissolves and color correction.
i want to meet the music executive who sat down with katy perry and said ‘you are going to make a pop alternative to lady gaga’s music.’ i want to travel back in time to a few seconds before this moment, knock him out like the ninja i am, take his clothes, and pretend to be him. i would walk into the room where katy perry is waiting. i’d sit down. i’d tell her that she actually has an amazing voice that doesn’t need the aid of synthesizers or 808s or autotunes and that her vocal stylings and image are more suited to soul or r&b. she’d smile in agreement and probably dump russell brand because she would be actually swooned by my striking good looks.
can we pretend that katy perry sing songs that actually show her vocal range? i could really use good music right now.